I cannot believe that I am here sitting down, writing this article. 13 year old Alethea could not imagine life without One Direction, let alone now. The hiatus never felt as permanent as hearing the news that Liam Payne passed away.
Regardless of your opinions on him, especially with recent news coming out about him in the media, or your thoughts on One Direction, this is a really hard pill to swallow, that an integral part of my childhood is no longer.
I especially feel for Liam’s family, including his parents, child, and former partners, and bandmates Louis, Harry, Niall, and Zayn at this time. And to the community of people that had One Direction shape their adolescence, I know that this can be incredibly difficult - it is for me, regardless of how connected to One Direction I have been in recent years.
Truth be told, my heart is hurting. Not just present-day Alethea, working in the music industry, which wouldn’t have been possible without her love of music and involvement in the One Direction fandom, but also 10-year-old Alethea, whose heart was instantly won over by a British band formed on The X-Factor. And 13-year-old Alethea, who was crushed by the news of Zayn leaving the band during her 8th grade biology class. And even 18-year-old Alethea, who fed into the theories that One Direction would reunite for their 10th anniversary amidst the chaos of the COVID-19 lockdown.
Liam’s death really hits harder when I think about the role that One Direction has had on my life and my career. I would not be where I exist today without One Direction, and as his bandmate Louis said, Liam is an integral part of the band, writing so many credits across their discography. I can not only name but recognize every single One Direction in an instant, but had their music constantly on repeat during the band's heyday. I was so privileged to see all 5 bandmates perform together on the Where We Are Tour at MetLife stadium on August 5th 2014, which is genuinely one of my favorite concerts of all-time.
On a deeper note, One Direction’s music truly did help me get through my early teenage years, and I have Liam to thank for that. Their songs helped me as a teenage girl navigate my very first insecurities, get over my unrequited middle school crush, and made me feel seen and validated in ways that others couldn’t. The music and the boys made me feel ever-so-connected to the larger Directioner community and One Direction fandom as a whole, and I cannot thank them enough for that. Adolescence can be hard, and One Direction was so much more than a band to me and many others as well.
But to quote the One Direction song “Don’t Forget Where You Belong”: “If you ever feel alone, don’t”. And frankly, I know I’m not alone mourning Liam and One Direction as we know it. The community that One Direction has brought together over the years is unmatched, and even if the fans have drifted towards other interests, we all have that love of the boys and the band that fuels us. The One Direction fandom created modern internet fandom as we know it, and online fan communities were the gateway into this world for so many people like myself. So many music industry professionals work in music because they were fans, and even though I tend to highlight Taylor Swift as my involvement in fandom from a professional standpoint right now, the first fan page I ever ran was a One Direction Instagram account when I was in 5th grade. (Yes…this is me admitting I did indeed run a One Direction fan page.)
On the night of his passing, my coworkers, who all listened to One Direction growing up, were going through the stages of grief. Even working alongside one of my co-workers, who I had no idea was a Directioner until that shift, was in utter shock in denial. It didn’t feel real to us that a key part of our childhood was gone.
And even though this is an unmistakable tragedy in a time where even the fandom was turning on Liam, the wake of this news is bringing us all together; not only to mourn Liam, but to mourn the One Direction band and the fandom as it existed before his death. Nothing will ever be the same as it was before.
I am still coming to terms with the fact that I’ll never get to see a One Direction reunion in my lifetime, and the one time I saw them in 2014 was the only time I got to see my favorite band live. The hiatus that was supposed to be 18 months is now forever, even if the other 4 boys do anything to pay tribute to Liam. Made In The A.M. will never be played live in its original iteration by the band. The money I said I would hypothetically spend on the reunion will never be spent. Losing the first member of my favorite band was something I was supposed to hear in my golden years, not in my early 20s.
I’ve been doing a lot of reflecting, thinking, and listening, even if listening to One Direction right now makes me emotional. Although Liam’s passing is a hard truth to accept, especially considering the circumstances leading up to his death, this time of introspection has allowed me to acknowledge the role that One Direction has impacted my life and career.
This is unbelievably hard for me to write, but rest easy Liam Payne. Thank you so much for everything that you’ve done.
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